I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
