I hate all girls vehemently.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
