believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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