i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
no you cant smoke seaweed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
