Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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