I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And then my night got REAL pukey
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
