just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
