accomplished twins. life is a go
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
