Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
