Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
