I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
