Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
