This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
