I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
