So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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