you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
