Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
