This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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