Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
