You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
