we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
