and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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