my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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