the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
