Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
