I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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