Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
