We won't sleep together?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Say something about gay babies.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
