You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
