I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
