The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
