I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
