Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
