You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This baby is an asshole
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
