we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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