i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
