we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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