Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Too much gin, very little bucket
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
