I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
