How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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