it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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