I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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