your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
