Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
