I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
