At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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