I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
