she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
