There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
