Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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