my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She needs sedatives and a leash
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
