I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
