My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
