oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
