i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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