I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
whose parrot is this?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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